The Struggle Continues.....

Today I went to a meeting of the Young Adults organization and had a thought-provoking experience. Normally, I don't care to be involved in such organizations or events. I hate being in a room full of activists/community organizers who are supposedly working for the betterment of people and communities. I've met a number of these infamous "organizer-types" who are nothing more than a bunch of arrogant, self-serving, overly privileged children with deep-rooted wannabe missionary complexes! Not only do I not have time for that bullshit, I have a policy to not make time for it either. I can't tell you the number of times I've sat in a room with a bunch of white folks pontificating how they can essentially remain white and privileged, while saving the rest of the world from themselves!!! But whatever...I'm going to reserve judgement on the group I met today because this post isn't about them nor the organization for that matter, but more about the ideas and the questions raised during the relationship building training.

In that session we were asked what kinds of questions we would ask someone that we are trying to get to know and truly understand. We came up with a list of nine questions that are pretty average, but for some reason have stuck out in my mind. After coming up with the questions as a group, we were all challenged to answer them for ourselves on paper. These nine questions, for which two were my own contributions, have really kept me thinking, so much so, that I've decided to elaborate on my earlier responses.

1. What makes you angry?I am angry that we live in a world built by enslaved Africans centuries ago and here we are in 2004 and freedom for African descendants is nothing more than illusion. I am angry that democracy is a myth.I am angry that society values money and material goods over people.I am angry that George W. Bush stole the presidency and and will try to again this coming November!I am angry that our world is imperfect to the point that it seems pointless to continue listing the things that makes me angry because somehow I will always have an unsettling feeling in my gut that no matter what I do or say, none of this will ever change!

2. What scares you?I am scared the very moment I become aware of feelings of hopelessness settling in.

3. What sustains you?In a peculiar way, I am sustained by family, friends and an understanding that without struggle there is no progress.

4. How do you relax?I relax by writing...which I am doing now. In the interim of not writing I think about about it alot.

5. What do you want?I want to wake up eveyday with a renewed committment to the struggle!

6. What do you expect in life?Unfortunately, I've moved myself to a place of not expecting much from anyone or anything. I work extra hard and go into situations hoping for the best, but completely prepared for the worst.

7. What gives you hope?Random encounters and acts of kindness, honesty and personal victories give me hope. It is the hard to explain, the unanticipated experiences that reignite sparks of hope within.

8. What do you want to change in Chicago?I want to stop gentrification. I want the city to create real "affordable" housing for poor people of color. I want the city to take back all of the money it spent building Millenium Park and hand every dime of it over to the Black community. I want Black children to not be at the bottom of the educational system.

9. What still nags you at the end of the day?At the end of each day, nothing I want, worked for or hoped for even matters. If I wake up to see another day, I am stuck in the same state, thus the anger remains!

Do you feel like you know or understand me now? See the contradictions? the demons at work?

-M