Mar 1, 2005

Oscar Don'ts? Try Oscar Nevers!!!

I don't know what happened at this year's Oscar Awards Ceremony. It was like every woman took a page from the How to Look Hideous book, and ran with it. I mean...just take a look at some of the atrociousness that stepped out onto the red carpet on Sunday!



Hillary Swank should be ashamed of herself! WTF? Is the dress on backwards?


No matter what she wears, Kirsten Dunst looks like a slut! This lace number is awful!



And just where the fuck was Meg Ryan going? Clearly, not to the Oscars dressed like that!



What is this? Why does Renee Zellweger always go for these tapered leg dresses? The dress is ok, but on her...horrible!



First, I need to figure out why this bitch was there? Secondly, where's her boy toy? Third, the dress is gorgeous, on her...NOT!



Rosario No-No Dawson. The color is amazing, the design is doing too much and not enough all at the same time!



I absolutely love Kerry Washington, but she should have known better! What is going on, on the front of that dress? I don't get it?!?



Here's another sista that I think is wonderful. Regina King is very pretty, but why she picked this distraction, I'll never know. What is that on her shoulder? A squirrel?



I know Oprah lost a ton of weight and all, but this dress isn't the least bit flattering!



This for me had to be the biggest disappointment of the night. If nothing else, I count on Hallie to be the best dressed bell at the ball. There are however, no words for this one. As a matter of fact, I revoke her use of the single strapped dress. She has clearly overdone it.



Ms. Tina, Ms. Tina...what art thou doing with thy daughter Beyonce? This dress is far too basic for her style and shape. Two thumbs down!!



This is just simply an ugly dress. I don't quite understand what look Janet was going for, but she failed either way!


If you thought those were bad, check these out. I've maintained for many years now, that white women don't understand some very basic things about color selection and their own skin tone. For any and all white women who read and or come across this blog, please take heed to what I say here. STAY AWAY FROM DRESSES IN THE YELLOW, BEIGE, PINK, LIGHT BLUE AND GRAY FAMILIES! These dresses do not compliment your skin tone. If you are 90lbs and without a tan, it makes you look even worse!!!

Exhibit 1


Gwenyth Paltrow


Exhibit 2


Helen Hunt


Exhibit 3

Cate Bosworth


Exhibit 4

Laura Linney


Exhibit 5

Sheryl Crow


Exhibit 6

Cate Blanchett


Exhibit 7

Mischa Barton


Exhibit 8

Natalie Portman


Exhibit 9

Donatella Versace


Exhibit 10

Kate Winslett


Exhibit 11

Selma Blair


Exhibit 12

Melanie Griffith

Exhibit 13


Marcia Cross

I hope that it is now clear why avoiding such color families is favorable and dress color essential! Some of these women are beautiful, but have downgraded their beauty by packing into to very unflattering colored dresses.

Though there were way too many disappointments for my liking, there were a few positive surpises

Who you ask? Well, just check out...


Jessica Simpson. Though her pose is absolutely unnecessary; this is the best she's ever looked. It's just too bad she didn't consult Jamie Lynn Discala ahead of time.




And now to present awards for best dressed actress at the 2005 Oscar awards ceremony! In 4th place...

Martine McCutcheon, who looks great in this simple, yet stylish black ensemble!

In 3rd place, a consistent favorite...

Salma Hayek!

2nd runner up...

Sophie Okonedo, who looks stunning!

And the winner of the Oscar for best dressed (and major turn around of the night)at the 2005 ceremony goes to...

Beyonce Knowles

4 comments:

Abeni said...

What happened to our similar taste? I absolutely loved some you hated:).Well at least we got Sophie Okenedo in common.

Jdid said...

Its about time someone said this "For any and all white women who read and or come across this blog, please take heed to what I say here. STAY AWAY FROM DRESSES IN THE YELLOW, BEIGE, PINK, LIGHT BLUE AND GRAY FAMILIES!" The ate Blanchette one was the worse, the woman just blended into her dress. too bad you dont have that mass audience or cult like devotion to you like oprah to get this info out. sigh!

summer of sam said...

you should have a weekly post called, 'advice for white chicks'

and kerry washington...damn. that dress was kinda fucked up. it did make me forget about her upper lip, though.

Anonymous said...

Aw, Nahmix!

Me and you are on the same page on this Oscar fashion shit.

Halle and the one-shoulder. Not your shit. Stop it.

White hoes in pastels. Not your shit. Stop it.

Black women... Don't let your stylist talk you into some way out couture shit. You got natural style, natural flair. Use it. Oh, and don't fuck with satin (a la Regina King) 'cause the shit clings like a mutha fucka and makes the skinniest bitch look fat as fuck.

Kerri Washington - color blocking went out with the sixties. Stop it.

Cate Blanchett - how if your dress going to be the same color as your hair? Stop it.

I could go on and on, but I do have to say... I thought Beyonce looked great in the black dress. It wasn't plain, it was elegant, and with all those curves, simplicity is your friend.

My top five for the night: Beyonce (the black and blue); Kate Winslet; Salma Hayek; Halle (it was drab but elegant and fit her well).

Can somebody please tell Star that, yes, she is smaller, but no, she is not small?

And can somebody force feed Renee Zellweger 'cause she looked like a fucking Twizzler in that red dress?

And what the fuck was Jessica Simpson or Jamie Lynn Discala doing at the fucking Oscars anyway? If they'd have stayed their asses at home like they should have, they wouldn't have showed up in the same dress.