Don't Believe the Hype....(Part 3 of 4)

As some of you may remember, I started this short series called Don't Believe the Hype early last year. I found myself repeatedly encountering the same "types" of people, no matter the situation, no matter the circle or the venue. Like flies on shit...I can't seem to escape these "types". The basic premise of Don't Believe the Hype is simple: people allow their insecurities to fester into narcissitic behaviors, language, attitudes, ultimately...an image. The types described in Don't Believe the Hype are so deeply invested in keeping up appearances, that they lose sight of where they end and the image (i.e. lies and delusions) begins.

In part 1, I discussed The Perpetual Outdoer and in part 2, I discussed the Ex-Model. In this installment, I'll address the Grown and Sexy.

3. The Grown and Sexy
I sigh as write this blog about the Grown and Sexy because it's kind of complicated, yet all too silly for words. Thinking about it is exhausting, but speaking on it, is very necessary. The Grown and Sexy are generally men, age 25-35, educated, professional, single and often metro in their personal upkeep. On the surface, they are visually pleasing from head to toe. On paper (i.e. employment, education, etc), they seem like the total package. However, when you encounter them, looks and status nosedive out of the window. You see...the Grown and Sexy are on some serious BULLSHIT!

Believe it or not, inspite of status, the Grown and Sexy are most commonly found in the club. They aren't in just any club though, they parlay in spots that cater to their style. How many times have you been out shopping or leaving a concert and been accosted by street teamers passing out flyers for some shindig for the over 25 crowd? Many times, right? You jump at the opportunity because as a fab 25+er, the 18 and up scenes just doesn't cut it anymore. So, you get youself together in your best and most sophisticated fit and you check out one of these events.

When you arrive, here's what you'll typically see: a room filled with a mix of professionals, artsy types, bohems, head wraps and rico suaves, holding glasses of wine or multicolored mixed drinks (top shelf of course), chatting it up. The dress code has obviously been enforced because the men are rocking their distressed jeans, dress shirts, stacy adams and sport coats. The women are in their best nine west strappy sandals, pencil skirts and fitted tops.

No one is really dancing and if they are, they're steppin' because at a Grown and Sexy function, jukin' is strictly prohibited. You won't hear crunk or rap at a Grown and Sexy party; no club bangers, no radio jams, strictly neo soul is all the that dj revolution is commissioned to spin.

So, as you make your way around the room, you catch the eye and eventually the attention of a Grown and Sexy one. You might take a twirl on the dance floor or grab a drink before settling into "deep" conversation in a nearby corner. As you and this person "build", you learn that this self-professed Grown and Sexy one, is really just an immature, arrogant, unattractive one, with an ego the size of global warming, living with his momma (but he chooses to tell you that his momma lives with him, but I won't go there in this blog).

How could this be you wonder?

Well, it's really quite simple; the Grown and Sexy are fake. They are seemingly well-contrived figments of the imagination of the same growing population of people who are ex-models and perpetual outdoers, the deeply unhappy. Oh yes, the deeply unhappy are out there, more than ever before. While many issues inform their unhappiness, the insecurity breeds life into it in very peculiar ways. Unhappiness is no longer a secluded depression; it draws people into lies, deception, inflated egos and full blown delusion. Ladies you know what I'm talking about. You've undoubtedly encounted some dilluted nig in a club working out his issues on you. It's unfortunate, but it's life.

So, in closing, I offer just a few seeds of advice for dealing with this type.

1. Listen intently. While I know it's common practice to tune out when we suspect someone is bullshitting us, however, it is important that you be alert and tuned in when dealing with this type.

2. Ask questions. If something doesn't sound right or a contradictory statement has been made, ask questions, detailed questions. Ask the hows and the whys and the whens.

3. Call this type on their shit. Yes, you read that correctly. Call him on his shit. Seriously, if you wasted 5 minutes of your life listening to his shit....you've earned the right to say..."I don't believe you, you're lying." It's not as if you'll ever get your 5 minutes back....right?

4. Walk away. He can be in midsentence; walk away. No explanations necessary.

5. As you walk away, stop by the closest group of unattached women you see and tell them what you just encountered. Make sure that you are facing him and point him out as you tell the story. Who cares if he gets mad or embarassed; consider it a public service for you fellow womankind.

Until next time...